Barry Bonds gets one count of Obstruction Of Justice. Rest of counts are a Hung Jury. I don’t care. I just want this evil man to suffer in court for the rest of his days. Drain his banks, drain his life, drain his career. How can you cheat and take away the most cherished record in all of sports ?! Hank Aaron is a shining beacon of hope to all those kids who work hard - to all those kids who never give up - to all those kids who don’t cheat and take short cuts. What does Barry Bonds stand for - make sure you get a trainer who will accept bribes ?! Get a trainer who will accept money NOT to testify ?! C’mon !! It’s clear as crystal that he is guilty as sin. Why would your trainer stay in jail and not tell the truth ?! Because he likes the food ?! I don’t care if Bonds is found guilty or innocent. I want his record tarnished, I want him to never ever get anywhere NEAR the hall of fame, and I want him to regret what he did so badly, that on his death bed he will tell an FBI Agent that he was indeed guilty and a scumbag all along.
Oprah got it twisted, and once again Tina Fey gets up in my craw. Just because she has a book out, a movie coming out, and a tv show airing on NBC, she gets to be part of an SNL Reunion special with Oprah ?! Really ? You were on Weekend Update and played Sarah Palin. How does that make you special over 36 years of programming ? It doesn’t. Yet for some reason, everyone drools over Tina Fey, because she was the first female head writer of the program, during their worst years ever. The critics and audience moaned about how bad SNL was during the Tina Fey years, oh but Jimmy Fallon is cute next to her and they make a great couple. Wow. Really? Dennis Miller, I understand - he made the news his own and got his unique style of comedy in there to make it all worthwhile. Chevy Chase, the first ever to do it, and still has the best ending line - “I”m Chevy Chase - and your not” - in fact - Tina Fey was so benign, she literally took Jane Curtain’s goodbye line from the news - and she is the head writer ?!?! Why is this lady worshiped so much ?!
Not only that - but Tina Fey is very loyal to her people - and so she drags on her co-star, Tracy Morgan for the SNL Reunion. He was in the show - wasn’t he ? No one really knows, but we all do know that he was no where near to being significant to the show, at all. So why is he on? Tina Fey wants him on. Oh, ok, whatever.
For an SNL Reunion - you want to spread the years and make sure you hit the pillars of the show. Billy Crystal, Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd, Jane Curtain, Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray, Mike Myers, Will Farrell, Dana Carvey, Adam Sandler and maybe Dennis Miller, who made the news relevant again after it was driven to the ground for so many years.
Oprah, this list is the SNL Reunion - not your Tina Fey love-fest. You got it twisted.
A Women was held in custody today for duct taping her toddler. When asked why she did it, she responded “because I couldn’t find any chains”
A Staten Island 5th grade choir will perform at this year’s Academy Awards - because let’s face it - they have to be better then James Franco.
Lady Gaga has the fastest selling single in ITunes history. “Born This Way” sold 1 million copies in only 5 days. No one has ever done that before, and no one has ever arrived at an event in a giant egg before, either.
Famed bar Coyote Ugly is all set to reopen after being shut down earlier in the week for numerous health code violations. Apparently bras aren’t supposed to go in the soup.
John Gosselin, father of the John and Kate Plus 8 reality fiasco has finally found himself a job. After months of unemployment, he is now working construction in PA. He said he can’t wait to start constructing another freak family as soon as possible, because this labor thing is killing him.
Jennifer Beals, the star of the 80’s hit movie Flashdance, has turned down Dancing With The Stars. When asked why she said not only was everything mostly a body double anyway - but she just doesn’t weld as much as she used to either.
Guitarist Slash has recently been hit with the giving spirit. He is all set to auction off his corvette for charity and, judging by his horrendous half time show at the Super Bowl - he also sold his manhood.
A 22 year study in Ecuador has revealed that dwarfs are genetically resistant to cancer and diabetes. In other words, in addition to granting wishes, they will also soon rule the Earth.
Whoopi Goldberg apologized to the The NY Times for calling their Oscar article “shoddy reporting”. Apparently the article mentioned the words “black” and “Oscar winners” together and Whoopi automatically thought she was left out and stepped over. Silly Whoopi, reading is for kids.
Michael Vick cancelled his Oprah interview, saying he had to see a man about a dog.
IPads are now replacing menus, where diners can create their own order and place it, all by using the IPad at their table. And waiters think they have it tough now ! Wait until they are replaced by an IPad !!
A Scottish Deerhound scored Best In Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show recently. Judges say it was between him and Britney Spears.
A Florida mother who shot and killed her teenage children for talking back pleaded not guilty the other day. In her statement to the judge she said: “Honestly your honor, I thought they were already dead when they were talking back to me”
Brooklyn Decker, in Adam Sandler’s new movie “Just Go With It” proves once again, just because your pretty, doesn’t mean you can act. Sorry. You were great to look at for the first 5 minutes, the rest is just torture.
The IMF (International Monetary Fund) calls for a dollar alternative - Mmmm, how about crayons ?
Rihanna will be lip synching at the NBA All-Star game this year, but unfortunately her ex-beau Chris Brown won’t be attending. So she’ll have to pay another male acquaintance to punch her in the face.
Guitar Hero, True Crime and Tony Hawk games are all canceled by Activision. That means no more skateboarding in the house, or rocking out in the house, unless you really want to do those things like, for real.
The Apple IPad 2 is now in production, with lots of promised improvements, for example this time it can actually turn into a women’s menstrual device.
The NYSE could be gone forever, being bought by Germany’s Deutsche Boerse, ending New York’s reign as the financial capital of the world. So now, if you should ever want to cash in your 401K, you’ll have to kill 3 Jews, stab a Russian in the back and start a war.
Lindsay Lohan strolled into court wearing a very striking and sexy all white super tight dress. She looked like a million dollars, but will have to give some of that money back to pay for everything she stole.
A CT party mom from Old Greenwich has admitted that she has indeed partied with QB Mark Sanchez, and even gave him her 17 yr old daughter. Hey, a family that plays together, stays together, right ?
The Ricky Martin tour might be done already. With a week of sales and not a single sold out venue, it looks like Ricky Martin might face the same fate as Christina Aguilera, Janet Jackson and Rihanna, and that would be a cancelled tour. Funny, because Prince had to add a 5th day to his tour dates at MSG. Hmm, I wonder why. Recession ? No. Talent ? Yes. The Purple One proves once again, even at 52 years old - if you have talent, and can play, they will come.
Playboy Bunny Taylor Corley was officially removed from her cheerleading squad in Mississippi State. The coaches informed her, Look - it’s either a million dollar modeling career, or this college cheerleading thing - we can’t let you do both. Ouch, tough coaches out there. That’ll show her !!
Michelle Obama is so elated that her husband has quit smoking. Yes President Obama has quit smoking, now if he could just stop peeing in the sink.
A Pregnant woman was accidentally given an abortion drug, in Colorado. The nurse simply stated - who wants to raise a kid in this economy anyway.
The Catholic push for more nuns has reached places no one ever thought of. When nuns came knocking on Charlie Sheen’s door, you know they’re struggling.
Medal Of Honor recipient Sal Giunta has decided not to re-sign with the Armed Forces - when asked he said - “are you nutz ?! I almost got killed out there!! I might be brave but I’m not stupid”
Aretha Franklin stated that she feels “Absolutely Super” before her Grammy tribute next week. The Grammy Awards will pay a musical tribute to her, as well as sending her literally, a ton of chocolate.
Rumsfeld defended his handling of the Iraq War by saying - well, you know, I mean, uh - they told me to do it!
An Illegal Immigrant was allegedly forced to leave a hospital in Texas recently. The Doctors said he had to go, because he was hurt and needed an illegal doctor.
List of most ordered hotel movies are out - Blind Side was #1, followed by Couples Retreat and then Date Night. That explains why those people don’t have families.
Experts have assured us, that Egypt is not another Iran - we’ll just be occupying their country for a few years, like usual, that’s all.
There will be no cheerleaders at the Super Bowl this year, NFL officials said. We want to give Big Ben a fair chance to keep his head in the game.
Lindsay Lohan says she’s not worried at all about facing prosecution over alleged jewel theft. “As long as I have my bag of coke - bring on the world”, the starlet said.
Kate Moss is set to wed this summer, her husband said he always wanted a lamp post for a wife.
High blood pressure, and obesity are linked to memory loss, scientists say. So if you can’t remember if you ate that twinkie - eat another one just to be sure.
Whoopi Goldberg has confessed to being a “functional addict” in a recent report, saying “how do you think my hair got this way?”
A Category 5 cyclone is hurling through Australia causes destruction to whatever it touches. Australians are mystified by it because like their toilet water, the wind is going counter clockwise.
Producers of Britney Spears new record Femme Fatale are again saying the record is not done, She didn’t write any songs, she doesn’t sing on it and has a body double for her video. Basically, nothing about Britney Spears has anything to do with Britney Spears. Why were we so mad at Milli Vanilli when Britney’s been doing the same thing ?
Flight cancellations are up to 16,000 since Monday because of the horrible weather. Airlines said this could make them bump up their prices, if there were numbers that went that up that high.
An American General in the US Military has declared that the Taliban is far from defeated - “in fact, I got one of them painting my house right now”
Wall Street Journal did a survey on the days when you can buy cheap airline tickets. That day turned out to be, never.
Al Gore has stepped up and said that all this snow does not disprove Global Warming - it’s just taking some days off.
PGA rookie Brendan Steele told reporters that Tiger Woods “mailed it in” on Sunday at Torre Pines. After the statement Tiger turned around and said - “and how many championships have you won?”
Lindsay Lohan is being investigated for jewelry theft - when confronted she said - “why would I steal ? It’s not like I’m a coked up crazy bitch or anything”
Elton John bashed Billy Joel for not writing music anymore. He told Billy to go to a real rehab center to get his life back in order, and make more beautiful music. Billy Joel responded - what a fag.
Happy Groundhog Day ! Punxsutawney Phil, the most famous groundhog of all, has predicted an early spring, Thank God. He then turned around and did the dance to Beyonce’s All The Single Ladies.
Newt Gingrich has said America is losing the war on terror - Yea - is it because your not in office, Newt? Figures.
Hugh Jackman has confessed that he eats 6,000 calories a day - most of it crocodile.
More then 700 people were injured in the most recent Egyptian riots - and 12 falafel stands were broken.
Britney Spears has sunk so low, that now a Director has admitted to using a body double for Spears in her new music video ! So, she’s a singer/dancer who doesn’t play an instrument, can’t read music, doesn’t do her own dancing, and doesn’t do her own singing - why can’t I have her job !!
Fox Health has listed 6 things that zaps your memory - amazingly all of them were stupidity.
Pres. Obama asked Egyptian dictator Mubarak not to seek re-election. Mubarak responded by saying: “Ok, but can I still keep my falafel stand?”
Weird Al has written a children’s book entitled “When I Grow Up” - critics called it, well, weird.
A lost jungle tribe has been discovered in the forests of Brazil. Oddly enough, their leader is Christopher Walken.
Snooki revealed that she would rather sleep with Pres. Bush, rather then Pres. Obama. When asked for their reply, both men said they’d rather shoot themselves in the head.
Police will be on high alert for Sex Trafficking this week before the Super Bowl. Why don’t they just arrest Charlie Sheen now, and save everyone the trouble ?
One of the Cake Bosses is dead at 63. People in the show were shocked at the death. Yea, maybe it was the gallons of butter, shortening, lard and cake that did him in. Ya think ?
Lady Gaga has said she wants her new perfume to smell like blood and semen, just like she does.
Ron Jeremy is debuting his premium Rum drink entitled Ron De Jeremy. With every bottle there will be a small puke bucket, just in case.
Top 3 Most Desirable Women - Sofia Vergara, Mila Kunis and Blake Lively. I wish I knew who any of these women were.
Top 3 Lease Desireable - Khloe Kardashian, Snooki and number one, Sarah Palin. Figures that I would know all of these names.
Fake Blueberries found in most foods you buy. Funny, I ran into a tomato the other day and he was like “sorry pal - I’m a blueberry” Why would produce lie like that ?!
An American Jet had to make an emergency landing in Jamaica yesterday. The Pilot said, “Whenever you run out of weed, it’s an emergency”.
Taco Bell is fighting the lawsuit about no meat being in their “taco filling”. To counter-attack, the company took out full page ads stating - of course we use real beef - where do you think the Chihuahua went ?
Cruise lines are avoiding Egypt during the riots, claiming they’ll just not bathe for a week, throw sand in people’s faces and show pics of pyramids instead.
A 31 year old Colardo teacher and her 16 year old male student were caught naked in a car with Vodka bottles surrounding them. Naturally when asked what she was doing, she said “teaching anatomy”.
A 5 year old boy dropped a loaded handgun during his music class, in Florida the other day. When confronted the boy said he had to drop the gun, because he couldn’t play his flute recorder and hold the gun at the same time.
Women sues Diddy for 1 trillion dollars - saying he owes her child support, assaulted and broke one of her children’s leg, and - get this - for bringing down the Twin Towers. Yikes. Obviously he could not have done all that, he was too busy annoying us with his stupid rap songs.
Charlie Sheen has been hospitalized with acute abdominal pain. Doctors say it could be something the whores gave him.
Boy George has announced he will be reuniting with Culture Club. Asked why he said the world doesn’t have enough gay things in it.
The Girl Scout Council says they are cutting back on the types of cookies they will sell. Also, to save money, the dresses will be half the length and some of the girls will take turns in the middle east as paid “tour guides”.
East Coast winter storms leave 4 dead and thousands without power. Someone get Al Gore on the phone please.
Social Security fund will now run a deficit every year until it runs out in 2037. Thank you Uncle Sam, you truly are useless.
Mental health hits a new low for college freshmen. Yes, now they all are truly fucked up.
Graceland has unveiled new exhibits this year. The Dancing Penis Exhibit seems to be a huge hit already.
Sony has just unveiled a new portable Playstation console, because kids just aren’t distracted enough every single minute of their day.
Karl Rove says Rep. Paul Ryan’s plans for the future make tons more sense then what President Obama mapped out in his State Of The Union Address. Karl Rove then went on to say, and you should listen to me, because I am Satan himself.
Colts QB Peyton Manning named most powerful athlete, even though he loses all the time, and unlike everyone else, it is directly his fault.
-
Best Pictures and Gifs of BlowjobsHot Pics of Tits & Dicks found in this gallery
-
Nakedness
-
Switching holes can cause many reactions…
-
-
Emma Glover is on artizbeautiful
-
-
-
Do dirty!
